1 week down...............

So they say that the first 2 weeks are the hardest. What they don't tell you is that the first week is actually HELL ON EARTH! Starting a healthy life and getting back on track is hard when there are remnants of your old life everywhere. That delicious bag of potato chips taunting you with its colorful wrapping. It calls to you as you look in the pantry for something healthy to make for lunch. You deceive yourself by thinking if I just stay to the portion size it will be fine. That's what portion sizes are for right? WRONG! 11 chips, who can eat JUST 11 CHIPS? Apparently not this girl. I justify. . . horribly. "That one was broken so it's only 1/3 of a chip. These aren't uniform in size so these two smaller chips equal 1 normal chip." Devil chips with their flashy wrapping and delicious goodness. People, the struggle is real! And lets not even start in on bread. I'm absolutely convinced that my local grocery store is out to sabotage me. Their bakery is right next to the produce, RIGHT NEXT TO IT! I can smell the baked goodness as I'm pawing through brussel sprouts. My eyes wander longingly over to that corner as I put kale in my cart. It beckons to me like a long lost friend promising happiness and comfort as I'm perusing peaches and plums. So I have made up my mind. While I'm in my weekend state I'm going to just have to shop somewhere that has their bakery at the complete opposite side of the store. I'm serious. I just feel to fragile to test myself with those kind of vices. It's a problem. So on a more serious note I did have success this last week despite my stumbles. I did a lot of research and found that water is going to be my best friend. Our bodies are made up of about 60% water. Every system in our bodies depend on it whether it's to flush toxins out of vital organs or to help carry nutrients to our cells. I was surprised by how much water we lose from our system on a daily basis. Even when we breathe we lose water, that's crazy. I can tell you for a fact I have not been good in the past about making sure that I'm hydrating myself enough. So this was the first thing that I decided to focus on. And spoiler alert it was harder then I thought it would be. I know what you are thinking. "Really, Tye? Drinking water is hard for you? You are such a pansy" And my answer would be, "Um Yeah lay off jerk face!" Sure I drink when I'm thirsty, or have a glass of water with a meal but as I added it up I'm way under what I should be drinking every day. I had to force myself to be aware of how much I was putting into my body especially on days that I am more active. So an average healthy adult woman should be drinking about 2.2 liters of water a day according to the Mayo clinic. That's roughly 9 8oz cups. Well, as we all know I'm neither average nor am I healthy. I'm fabulously fat curvy. I need to be drinking more along the lines of 3 liters of water because of my size. Now if I add in exercise to my day I need to account for the extra water loss, so now I'm up to a gallon of water. Yep you read that right I need to be drinking a gallon of water every day. Believe me when I did all the math and then opened up my fridge to look at my gallon of milk for size reference I couldn't help but laugh. It seemed impossible. The first day I made it about half way through the gallon, meaning I didn't even get in what I should just be drinking on a daily basis with out exercise. A little discouraging but I wasn't about to give up. I had to come up with a way to consciously remind myself to drink water. So I pulled out my trusty Jack Skellington water bottle and started toting it around with me everywhere. In the car, at the store, doing chores in my house. It has been so helpful! I also got a gallon water bottle and marked it off so I would know how much I need to drink and when. Doing this helped tremendously! Now for the disclaimer: You are going to need to uhhhhh ummmmm tinkle........ a lot. Like prego lady a lot. You have been warned so don't come complaining to me when you have to use and icky public restroom because you are getting in your necessary water. It will pay off I promise! How do I know this you ask? Today I weighed in at 252 lbs ! WHOOT WHOOT! (Insert fist pump and happy dance!) That's 4lbs down in just 1 week and all I have changed is eating healthier and drinking the water that my body needs. Did I have days that I screwed up and fell back into nasty habits? You bet I did. But I just woke up and started the next day like a new day and put the previous day behind me. I have found that having a positive attitude and surrounding myself with others that have a can do attitude has been really key this last week. All right so on to week 2. I promise that I will drink all my water everyday. I will avoid eye contact with all baked goods and flashy dressed bags of chips and make healthy eating choices. Just gotta make it over that 2 week bump and I will be able to pat myself on the back and set some new goals!

The start of someithg.........hopefully amazing.

In my younger years I was fearless. I loved to be the center of attention and be around people. Laughing and enjoying other peoples lives, spending time with them and creating memories is where I thrived. I loved being active and it didn't matter at what. Sports, theater, music, if something was happening I wanted to be there and I wanted to talk to and know everyone that was involved. Social outings is where I ruled. Trying something new was no big thing. I lived for the moment and was drawn in by the excitement of "what could be". I made lots of mistakes in life and had more adventures before the age of 20 then most people would care too, but I grew and changed with each of them and learned to really love who I was. At 20 years old I married an incredible man and we set our life off together by having a baby boy a little more then a year after we were married. I gained the normal amount of weight for a pregnancy and was still incredibly active all the way through. After, the weight didn't just fall off and I did not slim right back down to my super sexy size 7 body. But it was ok. I have always loved being a curvy girl and not stick straight. The curves I had now were just a little bigger and I still felt pretty smoking hot. A couple of years later we had baby number 2. My pregnancy was a nightmare. I was constantly sick, my water broke during my second trimester, and it just seemed like everything that could go wrong did. I was living in constant fear that I would lose this sweet baby growing inside me. We luckily had a pretty much healthy little girl join us (although it was a little early) and what came with her was a semi-truck collision of postpartum depression and a massive amount of weight gain post pregnancy. The curves I had now were not so smoking hot. My doctor told me that it was just hormones and that I would be good as new in time. Eighteen months after my daughter was born little boy #2 joined our family. Good as new NEVER came. I was battling major depression had three small children and was completely drowning in self doubt. I had started to eat to make myself happy. This was probably my ultimate downfall. Rather then seeking healthy active ways to deal with my stress and depression I turned to what was simple and right at hand. Something that also came with self medicating was peoples opinions and comments. This I wasn't prepared for. Walking through Walmart and having two grown woman walk behind you and not quietly make fun of your size and make loud and incredibly rude comments, and then laugh at you when you turn around to make sure that they are really actually talking about you is humiliating. I left my cart in the store aisle that night and cried in my car for the better part of an hour. From there it was all down hill. From going to a clothing store and having the associate laugh at me and say, "We don't make clothes for people your size." to being told that someone was shocked that I would even try and go to a gym because it must be a lot of effort for me being the weight I am. My self worth was at an all time low. I stopped having people over or going to events that I was invited to. My health took a huge nose dive and I started having serious health complications that landed me in the hospital on more then one occasion. I was to the point that I just stopped looking in the mirror all together. I was tired of looking at my reflection and despising the person that I had allowed myself to become. So her I am 256 lbs and hating being in this body. I have finally come to the realization that I have got to stop making excuses and do something about "Me". Do I know that change is going to be hard? Of course I do. Do I know that it's going to suck for a while to eradicate all of those awful habits that I have built up over the years? Kind of a no brainer. But here is the thing, I know what my life is going to be like if I change nothing and continue on the course that I am on. I don't want that for me. I don't want that for my family. So here is to a new journey. One with lots of ups and downs. I'm seriously crossing my fingers for more ups then downs! This is my way of being accountable. Even if no one in the world ever reads this I will know that it is there and that somehow I'm being held to a standard and that I have to follow through with my goals. So here is to week one. This week I'm going to focus on educating myself on how to be healthy. What will work with my body and family. I'm also going to commit to being active EVERY day. For some of you this may seem like a small thing but for me it is everything. Just having the energy to not collapse by noon sometimes is all I wish for. Wish me luck. This journey is going to be amazing............I just know it!