Sugar, bread, and Arby's....... oh my!!

Looking back I have to chuckle at myself for thinking that last week was hard. You want to know what is REALLY hard? Trying to make healthy food choices and being active while you are P.M.S'ing. My poor family. To give you an idea of where my mind set is, last night I dreamed that I held an Arby's up at gun point and demanded that they hand over all of the fries and mozzarella sticks. Yeah, the struggle is real folks. That being said I have buckled down and stuck to my plan and hopefully next week it will pay off on the scale. I decided to not weigh in this week because of all the wonderful bloating and fun things that happen to your body while your monthly friend visits. It's best not to be discouraged right at the beginning right?! So lets cover what has been going on the last 9 days. Cutting out sugar has been murder. Seriously I see red sometimes and just want to binge on spoonful's of sugar. It's like a drug addiction and I'm having serious withdrawals. Snacking on raw almonds has helped curb the cravings but I promise you they are still there. BREAD!! I crave it constantly. This is even harder then giving up on sugar. I know that for me by body hoards carbs. Has anyone watched Hoarders before? I watched an episode earlier this week and all I could think about is that the inside of my body looks like one of those houses. Piles and piles of trash that I have accumulated over time. A late night "adult" treat after the kids go to bed at the time seemed like such a wonderful and indulgent thing. Now it is just a stack of old garbage in my body. I'm that lady sitting in a chair sorting through all of the things that I once thought were so important and pretty realizing that I have actually filled my home up with trash and been totally content to live in it. GROSS!!! Being able to visualize things this way helps me keep things in perspective and keeps me motivated to continue to make what right now seems like impossible choices. Does that slice of Cheesecake look beautiful and tempting? Of course it does. But it's just adding more of the same garbage to the already enormous stacks of fat that I have hoarded up in my body. I know that more then anything I need to change my frame of mind. Exercising and eating healthy are important but in the long run it will end up being a band-aid on my weight and health. What I also need to do is fix my way of thinking. I need to find a healthy way for my mind and body to cope with stress and depression. I need to find another way of letting my mind feel like it is being rewarded or treated. I have programmed myself to reward or celebrate things by eating. A special treat or meal have been my go to for so long that I need to have and absolute and complete change in my mind set. I have also used food as a comfort for when things are difficult and I can't cope with life. I remember a time when I would just go and ride my bike or go for a walk when I felt overwhelmed or low. It would always lift me up and I would feel better. How have I let myself detour from that mentality? Recognizing all of this has been a really good step for me in the right direction. Identifying my weaknesses has helped to be able to notice when I gravitate to doing them. The second part that has helped me is being accountable to someone other then myself. The last few weeks I have been daily texting with my sisters. We all have different health goals and are all on a different level with our bodies and self-image. I'm just going to come right out with it. They are both beautiful and skinny. I know that they would probably both disagree with me but they are. I love having them to talk to everyday. It's been incredibly helpful to have 2 people that I love to go to with my goals. We tell each other our triumphs and admit our slip ups. But what is important through it all is that we build each other up. Even though they have different goals then me I love seeing them work toward those goals and seeing us all succeed. Knowing that I would have to tell these two if I give into the siren song of the ever tempting carb helps keep me motivated to not venture over to the dark side. If there is any advice that I could give to someone out there trying to lose weight, I would say to find a support group. Stay in contact with people that you feel comfortable being at your most vulnerable with. This is imperative! You will find the whole process so much easier if you do it with people you love and feel safe with but who will also give tough love on the days that you feel like robbing Arby's. I'm looking forward to that scale in a week to see what all of the hard work I'm putting in translates to in numbers. I thought that I would share this picture just so that I have a place to go to when I need a reminder of where I started. This is me in all of my 256lb glory at the beginning of this journey. Looking at this right now brings tears to my eyes as I see the physical evidence of what I have done to myself. I hope that in December this picture will bring tears to my eyes for a completely different reason. I'm so ready for a new and better me. She is just around the corner!